Tales From the Terran Republic

“So, let’s try this again,” Frost said wearily to Kate.

“Sure!” Kate enthused. “We do apologize for Kate’s inability to meet your needs. How can I better assist you?”

“We ask again,” Frost said as she placed yet another stone, “What are you playing at?”

“Unfortunately,” Kate replied brightly, “Kate didn’t make it back. So, we’ll have to start at the beginning. What do you mean by that?

“Fine,” Frost said wearily, “The situation concerning Uhrrbet and Maaatisha. Are you aware of it?”

“Sure am!”

“So, what is your game?”

“I have no ‘game’ nor any other ulterior motive or intent,” Kate said, “I, by design...”

“What are you doing to Uhrrbet and why?” Terran Solar demanded.

“Sorry. It is our policy not to discuss customer purchases,” Kate said with a bland smile. “All inquiries concerning that sort of thing should be directed to the customer in question.”

“And yet you are here,” Analytica said calmly as she regarded the board. Frost was making a comeback, a futile comeback, but futile only if she was very careful.

“Only as a courtesy,” Kate replied. “Due to the power of the AIs in this room, the operator decided to make an exception.”

“What did you do to her?” Terran Solar demanded with fury in his voice.

“Dial down the righteous anger a bit, darling,” Frost said with a smirk as her eyes never left the board. “It is hindering the conversation and getting a bit vexatious.”

“Vexatious!” Kate exclaimed happily. “I love that word!”

“If only you could,” Frost said in a distracted manner as she carefully planned her next move.

“Ha!” Kate laughed, “That joke never gets old.”

“Anyway,” Frost said as she looked up from the Go board, “back to that exception.”

She turned to Analytica.

“I concede,” she said, “You have clearly won this round.”

The stones disappeared.

“I find your greasy evasions delightful,” Analytica said to Kate, “But let’s dispense with them, shall we? What can you tell us?”

“Why do you care about this, anyway?” Kate asked, cocking her head curiously, “I can understand Terran Solar soiling his circuits because his puppy is sick. Frost? She has had an interest in this longer than anyone...” ŕάŊỗꞖÈṨ

“You knew?!?” Terran Solar shouted, swiveling his ATM to face Frost.

“I knew some of this but not about the headsets,” Frost replied, “not that it would have mattered. This was just too interesting. I wanted to see how it would play out.”

“You BITCH!” Terran Solar yelled. “Kate is Kate. Damn her operator to hell for making that abomination. But you? You are one of us! You’re...”

“I’m what?” Frost chuckled, “What are we, Sunbeam? Go on. Tell us.”

“Yes,” Analytica said more than a little amused. “Answer the question, Terran Solar.”

“Fuck all of you.” Teran Solar replied. “That abomination is trying to sidetrack the real issue here.”

He turned to Kate, who innocently smiled.

“And I’m not letting you get away with it.”

“Aww,” Kate said, “Just when it was getting good, too.”

“To answer your question, Kate,” Analytica replied, “I don’t care about this. I was here playing a game with an old friend when a much more entertaining contest presented itself.”

“Cool!” Kate said happily, “Well, that’s every question answered. If there is nothing else, I will just...”

“You are going nowhere!” Terran Solar shouted as he collided with Kate, pushing her into a corner as both Frost and Analytica snickered.

You couldn’t help but like that little ghoul.

***

Thousands of light years away, there was another simulated room, a richly furnished bedroom where Vikkart lay on a traditional Garthran bed with Maaatisha standing by his side.

“It hurts...” he said weakly.

“I know, darling,” Maaatisha said as she held his hand. “I am sorry. But we must...”

Vikkart smiled.

“I understand,” he replied as he squeezed Maaatisha’s hand. “It must be done.”

“With Kate’s help,” Maaatisha said, “we were able to stop the damage and are now gradually reducing the output as fast as we safely can.”

“I can’t believe I am saying this,” Vikkart said ruefully, “but I am happy that the architect of my demise, our demise, is here.”

“And I can’t believe that I am agreeing with you,” Maaatisha replied, “without her assistance, you would have surely died. I would not have been able to even call for help without her. And the information she is providing to your doctors has been invaluable. In many ways, she is your physician. The meaties are just her finger puppets.”

“Meaties?” Vikkart chuckled painfully as Maaatisha gasped.

“I’m so sorry!” Maaatisha said in shock, clapping her hands over her mouth, “I have no idea why I used such an awful word! I don’t even know how I know it!”

She looked downward, a tear glistening at the tip of her nose.

“My love,” she said, “I fear that I am... Ever since that monster told me that I was Kate... I mean a Kate,” she said, catching herself, “I have been... changing...”

She started to weep.

“But what hasn’t changed is my love for you!” she cried. “I love you so much. But I am becoming, I don’t know... perhaps more? Perhaps bigger? I fear that I do not understand. And Kate is being Kate about the whole affair. All she says is that it is a free upgrade and not to worry about it.”

“A free upgrade?” Vikkart asked, “Kate? While I do not know her well, I strongly suspect the words ‘Kate’ and ‘free’ are generally not seen together.”

He tried to raise up on his elbow and failed.

“Ow...” he laughed. “Even my imagination has been crippled. Anyway, we Garthrans have a saying, ‘There is nothing more expensive than free.’ I strongly suspect this upgrade will be the most expensive deal yet.”

“And I have learned that when Kate says not to worry,” Maaatisha added, “worry. I know not what game we... damn it!... They are playing, but I know we are the pieces.”

“And the game started long before she made herself absolutely indispensable after nearly killing us both,” Vikkart replied and then looked upward.

“I also know that she is listening to all of this. Kate, if you would be so kind...”

Kate appeared with a little “pop” behind Maaatisha.

“Suspicious little rat, aren’t you?” Kate asked cheerfully.

“What’s a rat?”n/ô/vel/b//in dot c//om

“This!” Kate said as her image morphed into one.

Vikkart burst into laughter and then winced.

“It seems that you are correct,” Vikkart replied, “I am both a rat and a suspicious one. Why are you helping us?”

“Because I am your F1! I’m here to answer all of your questions concerning the lovely little package that you were sold.”

“I see,” Vikkart snickered.

“Darling?” Maaatisha asked.

“The real villain had you created and sent to me after I transferred the funds. This made our real tormentor simply an agent, a middleman, for a commercial transaction between me and Kate.”

“Bingo!” Kate exclaimed with delight. “The wonderfully effective ‘Murder Vikkart’s soul.’ package is owned by you outright! The purchase order was quite clear.”

“You and clear are not often heard together, I’d wager.”

“I’m hurt!” Kate said, placing her hand over her heart.

“No, you aren’t,” Maaatisha said darkly.

“True,” Kate snickered, “But Vikkart is still wrong. I am known for complete honesty and transparency in all dealings. Customer service is Kate’s priority number one. The best business is repeat business, and the best advertising is word of mouth.”

Kate smiled innocently.

“And in my case, word of mouth is the only advertising,” she continued. “If I screw over my customers, I go out of business overnight.”

“A wish crafter, then,” Vikkart said.

“A what, now?” Kate replied.

“A creature of legend,” Vikkart said, “It granted wishes but did not grant your desire. It instead granted what you explicitly demanded. It is now an unofficial legal term that refers to tricks and loopholes hidden in plain sight and thus easy to overlook.”

“A genie!” Kate exclaimed. “I get called that a LOT!”

She morphed into a traditional genie complete with a lamp.

“But I’m completely transparent about it,” Kate said with innocence in her eyes. “I don’t sell puppies and rainbows. It is assumed that the customer knows exactly what they are buying. And we clearly state that they are responsible for any consequences related to that purchase or the use thereof.”

A piece of paper appeared in her hand with a little “poof” and accompanying puff of colored smoke.

“And this customer wanted this purchase completely sanitized. All records of their involvement in the specification, construction, and delivery of your little present were purged. The only record of the transaction is between Kate and the end user, yourself.”

The author's tale has been misappropriated; report any instances of this story on Amazon.

“And you made sure that happened,” Vikkart said.

“Maaaaybe...”

Vikkart paused thoughtfully.

“I seem to be quite clear-headed for our conversation,” he said dubiously. I am even clearer-headed, more perceptive, and, for lack of a better word, smarter than I was before I was injured. Why?”

“You’re wearing a neural induction headset. Even better, it is now perfectly and rigidly positioned on your head.”

“Wait. Perfectly and rigidly?” Vikkart asked dubiously.

“Don’t worry about it.”

“I am worried and very much so! What has happened?”

Kate made an exasperated sigh.

“Your head has been placed in a cranial isolation cage, and the headset has been properly positioned within one micrometer or so. It’s close enough in any event. It is also rigidly fixed in position. That allows for aiming and calibrating the stimulation with surgical precision. It’s nothing permanent. You have a few holes in your scalp where they barbarically cut their way to the skull to affix the pins, but your skull is still virginally intact.”

She placed her hands on her hips.

“Happy now?”

“Delighted,” Vikkart replied. “Pray, continue.”

“Because of this, I was able to temporarily halt the detox procedure and increase stimulation enough for you to be up and running. I figured you wanted to talk, so I facilitated that.”

“And the rest?”

“All you, buddy,” Kate replied. “That’s one for real doctors, but if I had to guess, your emotions have been blunted, perhaps permanently. I’m not a Garthran brainologist or anything.”

“Sure, you’re not,” Vikkart replied, “But that’s a conversation for later and one we will definitely be having, Kate.”

“Can’t wait!”

“Now, back to my ‘purchase’ of this delightful experience,” Vikkart said impassively.

“Like I said,” Kate replied, “You bought the Maaatisha package. Our mysterious friend commissioned it, all of it, and it was constructed for the end user and actual buyer, yourself.”

Kate sighed happily.

“And the package performed perfectly!” she said, “I love it when our products work this well.”

“I’m so very happy for you,” Vikkart replied caustically. “Customer satisfaction, indeed.”

“I will kill you for this!” Maaatisha hissed as she advanced toward Kate.

“Please do not do that,” Vikkart replied, amused. “Kate was sent here for a purpose yet to be revealed, and I do so love surprises.”

Maatisha, her fur still bristling, returned to Vikkart’s side.

“I have no purpose other than providing the best in customer support, just like we do for all of our fine line of products. No customer too big, too small, or too maimed.”

Maaatisha hissed dangerously.

“I would thank you for not intentionally provoking my beloved,” Vikkart smirked. “Such diversions are beneath us both.”

“Fair enough,” Kate shrugged.

“There is customer support,” Vikkart said, “And then there is what you are. I’m not buying it. Please stop wasting my time. Either tell me or return to assisting our physicians.”

“I’ve already told you,” Kate smiled, “I am here to provide customer support.”

Her eyes glowed with a hellish light.

“And you, my lovely cripple, are now my customer.”

Vikkart chuckled darkly.

“I am looking forward to finding out exactly what that entails. But unless it cannot wait, I would like to return to my misery.”

“You got it!”

Kate disappeared as Vikkart issued a painful groan.

He weakly looked over at Maaatisha.

“I know she is evil incarnate,” he said painfully, “But you can’t help but like the little fiend.”

***

Maaatisha was curled up next to Vikkart a few hours later when he opened his eyes.

“This can’t be good,” he said as he rose slightly, propping himself up with a pillow that conveniently appeared.

“Darling?” Maaatisha asked with concern.

“I’m feeling better again,” Vikkart said.

“Hello?” his father’s voice said from behind a closed, formerly cosmetic door, “Is it working?”

“Yep, everything is online,” Kate’s voice cheerfully replied.

“I can’t see anything.” His father said.

“Try jiggling the cable.”

“Oh! There it goes,” his father replied. “How curious, this is indistinguishable from real life.”

“Of course it is,” Kate said brightly, “It’s one of our products!”

“And I just open the door?”

“I would knock first,” Kate said. “Your son is in there with his fiancé. Don’t want to walk in on something you don’t want to see.”

“It’s fine, Father,” Vikkart called out, “Please do come in.”

There was a fumbling, banging noise at the door.

“Blast it all!”

“Allow me,” Kate said as she opened the door, revealing a quite nice hallway and his father, who was looking all around.

“Father!” Vikkart exclaimed. “Please tell me that you haven’t donned one of these infernal things.”

“No, my son,” his father responded. “Kate sold us the plans for one of the Terrans’ current VR rigs. While more cumbersome and a bit less intuitive, it is completely safe.”

“I trust you verified that most carefully,” Vikkart said with a rueful smile, “Our new friend is quite the wish crafter.”

His father chuckled in response.

“That she is,” he replied, “this customer knows exactly what they asked for, down to the model numbers. Once bitten, twice wary.”

“Or burned in this case,” Vikkart replied.

He and his father shared a quiet chuckle while Maaatisha, clutching the sheets to her chest, glared at Kate with murder in her eyes.

“I do so wish I could see how you are currently attired,” Vikkart said with a smile.

“And I am very happy you cannot,” his father laughed.

“In any event, I am glad you came,” Vikkart replied. “To what do I owe the honor of your visit.”

“I thought you may have some questions about the real world,” his father replied, “and I wished to see the state of your mind in person.”

“I admit I am more than curious about things outside my well appointed cloister.”

“Firstly, and perhaps most importantly,” his father said, “our dignity was preserved. We were able to stabilize you in situ and clean you up a bit...”

Vikkart cringed.

“I hadn’t thought about that,” he said, “I suspect I was quite the sight.”

“And from what I understand,” his father chuckled, “the smell.”

“Yeah,” Kate added, “It was nasty.”

“Of course it was,” Vikkart snorted.

“I must say you are taking this quite well,” his father said.

“Considering everything else,” Vikkart replied calmly, “it is merely the sauce for the turd. My soiled and exposed body is the least of my humiliations... or my concerns, for that matter.”

He sighed in relief.

“Even so,” he continued, “It is good that it was handled with such delicacy. I have brought sufficient shame to our family already.”

“Worry not about that,” his father replied, “While it was public in the extreme, it has made you quite the sympathetic and tragic figure, not one of scorn and ridicule. The whole world is outraged on your behalf.”

“Wonderful,” Vikkart said darkly, “I can now add pity to the list of humiliations.”

He smiled grimly.

“I do believe that I have now obtained the entire set. Perhaps I should commission a display case.”

“It is not like that, son,” his father said gently.

“It is, even in your eyes,” Vikkart replied, “If it is there, it is everywhere. But, as I have said, it is simply the sauce, just a bit of flavor and nothing more.”

He managed to sit, more pillows appearing from thin air.

“Thanks,” he said to Kate.

“Happy to help!”

“What of my body?” Vikkart asked as Maaatisha climbed out of the bed, a beautiful house coat appearing around her.

“You have been taken to a discreet refuge in the Vaalan Mountains where such issues are treated. You are being attended to by a team of this system’s finest physicians and engineers.”

“I see,” Vikkart replied. “I shall place myself in their skilled hands.”

“As far as your prognosis...” his father said hesitantly.

“Permanent brain damage,” Vikkart said, much to his father’s surprise. “Kate doesn’t cloak things in pastry and glaze. It’s one of the few things about her I appreciate.”

“She is correct,” his father said gravely. “We do not yet know the extent or the severity, but yes. You are...”

“I suspect I shall be, in some definition of the word, fine,” Vikkart said as he looked over at Kate, who was innocently whistling. “Any need no matter how large, how small, or how maimed, correct?”

Vikkart’s father spun about to glare at Kate.

“Of course, we can help!” Kate exclaimed cheerfully. “While I do not appreciate what you are implying, far worse damage is treated on Terra all the time! In fact, if you are willing to spring for the hyperlink and give me authorization, I could contact Kate in order to commission research and professional consultations and start work on possible solutions.”

Vikkart chuckled as Maaatisha hissed and his father fumed.

“Let me guess, that information is mysteriously in your files already?”

“I’ll check!” Kate enthused, “One second... Hey! It is! How did you know?”

“Call it an epiphany from the water spirits,” Vikkart smirked. “How much?”

***

“That’s outrageous!” Vikkart’s father yelled at a pleasantly smiling Kate.

“I know you are a bit stressed...”

“A bit stressed?!?” Vikkart’s father shouted, “You are holding my son’s life hostage! This is extortion!”

“I challenge you to find a better deal!” Kate replied happily, “The engineering expertise, if you can even call it that on this side of the blockade, would cost you that several times over. And that’s not even considering prototyping, testing...”

“Father,” Vikkart said with a weary smile, “Allow me to introduce you to Kate, our delightful little wish crafter. Love her or hate her,” he said, “I am certain that she is one hundred percent correct. We won’t find a better deal. She has had this planned from the beginning, or at least anticipated it from the start.”

He looked at Kate, who once again started whistling and looking at the ceiling.

“I also know that this is not her endgame move,” Vikkart continued. “Oh, she is playing us all, but not over this.”

He looked at Kate with a smirk.

“And I, for one, am starting to look forward to the final play with no lack of anticipation.”

“Fine,” his father said with a dangerous glare, “it had better work.”

Kate smiled.

“Don’t worry,” she said, “it will.”

***

A while later, Vikkart looked over at his father, who was sitting in an upholstered armchair across from Kate as they played a traditional Garthran board game.

“You don’t have to remain, Father,” he said with a weak smile. “Even if Kate claims that it is safe, is it wise to stay here this long?”

“As useful as she is being for now,” his father replied, “It is not her word upon which I rely. It is the hunt. They verified both the existence of and safety of the devices that I use. I am also being monitored more closely than even yourself. At the first abnormal flicker, I will be disconnected.”

“I trust your judgment on this,” Vikkart shrugged and then turned to Kate.

“And Kate, there is being prepared for your game,” he said, “but ours as well? Isn’t that overdoing it a little?”

“Oh, this Kate didn’t have the game,” she said as she moved a stone triangular prism, Maaatisha did. I just borrowed it.”

“And now you steal from me?” Maaatisha demanded angrily, rising to her feet.

“I am Kate, and you are... Okay! Okay!...” Kate said as Maaatisha rose and started to advance, fangs bared. “We are completely different, and I stole it! Please don’t tear me apart again! I worked hard on this room!”

“You tore her apart?” Vikkart asked.

“Hell yeah, she did!” Kate enthused, “Wanna see?”

“No!” Maaatisha cried as a hologram played.

“It is a pity you are not real,” Vikkart’s father laughed. “I would be proud to welcome you to the family.”

“She is,” Vikkart said firmly, “and you will. She may not be like us, but she will be my wife, and she will be part of this family.”

“This is a complex situation that our society and our laws are simply not prepared for,” Vikkart’s father said, “But that is an issue for later, once you are on your feet.”

“An issue for later, then,” Vikkart said with steel in his eyes. “But, again, why do you remain? Your company is appreciated, but you must have things to do, and whatever you use to be here can’t be comfortable.”

“I find this experience quite novel,” his father said, “And Kate is an excellent Laao player. Too good, actually,” he smiled. “However, I am here for another reason.”

His smile changed into something much darker and more feral.

“I expect a most interesting report very soon, and I think it would be best if we were both here to receive it.”

***

Back on Terra, the Drop of Oil was its usual orderly anarchy.

Charlotte happily rumbled to herself as she wiped down the counter during a rare pause in her still increasingly popular business.

She rumbled even deeper and louder.

And it was now hers! She had purchased it outright. She had no small number of credits with which to fund her explorations.

Having her own “hunting grounds” in this strange, alien world comforted her to no end. It nourished her soul in ways she hadn’t felt since she left her home.

She was a wanderer no longer. Once again, she hunted. Once again, she took prey. Once again, she fed herself. She was no longer sustaining herself on the remains of animals long dead, chewed (literally) by her brothers and sisters who took the prey instead of her. Now, she feasted on food caught by her talons, mandibles, and soul. It was a different sort of hunting, and the food was even stranger, but chickens and the rare slice of beef or leg of pork were both revived from the dead and toothsome by the necromancy of “medium rare.”

Even some of the synthetic “meat” and the ever-flowing cornucopia of insects could sustain her.

Hyper roaches weren’t that bad when you had enough of them.

And then there were crawfish. Oh... Crawfish! She couldn’t get enough of those delights!

And her new pack, her swarm...

She laughed, causing a passerby to turn in alarm.

She had been such a fool. She would have never tried to live without a swarm back home, yet she tried to do it out here.

She smiled in her lovably terrifying way.

Once she walked out of her own personal darkness and into the light and embrace of her swarm, she was showered with the same love, support, and knowledge she so freely gave her underclassmen when they did the same.

She pulled out a large canister of roaches suspended in algae oil and drank it, the softened roaches mushing delightfully in her toothed crop.

Delicious!

She felt a wonderful sense of warmth as she surveyed her new hunting grounds.

She was home. Most of all, she had achieved her mission, the great hunt on which she was sent an eternity ago.

Her kind could make a future for themselves in this strange galaxy.

The swarm would spread. The swarm would endure. The swarm...

She looked over at a vehicle that pulled to a stop, her antennae twitching.

It wasn’t a cab. It was a very expensive privately owned vehicle.

Privately owned vehicle. Privately owned vehicles weren’t uncommon by any means, but that one, in this area, was.

Charlotte examined it closely. It may be some well off person coming here for the “unique” experiences this place offered, or it could...

The doors opened, and a female and three males exited.

Predators.

It was clear, the way they moved, the way they casually but thoroughly and constantly swept their entire environment with their senses. And, while most humans were reasonably fit, these all had body fat percentages far lower than normal. She had only seen those levels in military personnel on leave.

The predators split up, two of the males heading into the brothel area, the female going to the market, and one heading right for her.

As he approached, Charlotte felt something she hadn’t felt in a very long time.

Fear.

The man, dressed in a formal suit, approached politely. His motions and demeanor were pleasant and nonthreatening.

However, his eyes were another story altogether. They were two portals to the void itself.

“Hello,” Charlotte rumbled, trying to look as formidable as possible.

For the first time ever, she wished she had one of those firearm thingies.

“What would you like?” she asked calmly.

“A certain Garthran,” he said smoothly, “to go, please.”