Re:life with Karmic Gacha (Modern Family)

Chapter 316: Chapter 316: Undeck the hall.

(I'm back.)

[Edward POV]

"Ed, when did you get here?" Claire widened her eyes slightly, embarrassed at the thought that she might have made a spectacle of herself in front of me.

"Just now. The door was open, so I walked in to drop off the gifts." I replied, pulling my red wagon filled with numerous presents, while carrying another wrapped painting in my left hand. "It wouldn't be Christmas without gifts to show that I care."

Using cheesy lines, changing my way of talking to become more gleeful; on purpose, I walked towards the siblings and saw that Luke was on the brink of tears. He leaned back on the couch, closing his eyes, and his chin quivered.

I looked down, inhaled deeply, and then looked back up. "But then I heard Christmas is canceled over here at this house. Should I bring these back?"

Claire hesitated, glancing at her children. Accepting the gifts would imply the possibility of Christmas, but rejecting them would be a rude gesture.

"You can put them in the kitchen for now," Claire said affectionately, before immediately shifting her tone to scold her children. "Christmas is still canceled! If no one comes out and takes responsibility for this, I'll send all of the gifts back to Edward myself."

With a slight nod of satisfaction at her own answer, Claire huffed off to the kitchen.

"Is it me, or did your mom seem extra sexy today?" I turned to the girls and teased them.

Haley rolled her eyes. "It's not even funny. You just showed that you're attracted to insane, neurotic women."

I nodded slightly in agreement. "Yeah, my therapist said that before. So, what happened?"

As Alex and Luke sat, visibly saddened by their parents taking away Christmas, Haley stood up and pointed at a burnt mark on the couch. "This! Christmas is canceled because of this small thing! I can't believe them!"

I already knew that the burn mark was caused by sunlight refracting off a glass ornament on the Christmas tree—an ornament that Frank Dunphy, their grandfather, had given them—but Phil had already pulled the tree away, cutting off my chance to point it out simply.

"So who smoked?" I asked, feigning a puzzled expression.

"It's not me!" Alex defended herself, a hint of panic in her voice as she glanced my way.

Narrowing my eyes at her, I said, "Really? Overlooked middle child. High levels of stress from academic pressure. Trouble with your boyfriend. I could keep listing reasons, or you could just admit that you smoked."

"I DIDN'T SMOKE!" Alex jumped from her seat, confronting me with manic energy. "WHAT AM I, STUPID? Developing a dependence on nicotine at an early age? You think I WOULD risk destroying my brain cells? Why don't I just get pregnant at a bus station! Walk around barefoot! And only wear booty shorts?!"

I turned to Haley, raising an eyebrow. "I think that's a dig at you."

Haley looked at me with disbelief, her expression a mix of frustration and exasperation. "What are you even doing? Why are you making things worse? Do you not care about this?"

I blanked out for a moment, taking in the scene—the tension in the room, the disappointment on their faces. "Um, you know I still have my Christmas, right?" I finally said, trying to lighten the mood.

"Yeah, but we don't!" Luke chimed in, his voice small but filled with a sense of loss.

I waved my hand dismissively at him. "Don't look so glum, Luke. Remember, if you ever need help solving a case, who should you call?"

Luke looked confused and guessed, "A detective?"

"Right..." I waited, hinting at myself with a subtle gesture.

"What?" Luke asked, still not getting it. Alex rolled her eyes and said, "He wants you to call him Sherlock, idiot!"

In the kitchen, Phil and Claire stood by the wall, peeking at what we were doing. Claire muttered, "I told you Ed would sniff it out for us. We just have to wait."

Phil replied, placing his hand on Claire's shoulder, "Yeah. In Edward we trust."

"Detective Sherlock. Please help us," Luke begged.

"Alright. So, can someone tell me what a cigarette smells like?" I asked the room. No one answered for several seconds before Haley said, "Pungent."

"It's her!" Luke pointed at Haley. "Get her!" He lunged at her, well-intentioned but with murder in his eyes. Haley immediately backtracked and hid behind me. I held Luke by his head, stopping him from moving closer.

"Calm down, Luke. You don't want Santa to put you on the naughty list, do you? It doesn't take a detective to figure out that killing your sister will land you there permanently."

"I didn't do it, you maniac!" Haley scolded Luke while still hiding behind me. Alex moved closer to the couch, sniffing the burnt mark. "There's nothing left behind other than some charred fabric smell."

"Good! Alex's brain is finally working," I teased. "You're pretty smart yourself. Did you panic too much and forget to check the crime scene—gathering the evidence needed to defend yourself? You might need to cross Lawyers or Forensics off your future career list."

In the kitchen, Claire mumbled, "It's not a cigarette?"

Phil sighed and replied, "We kinda jumped into accusing the kids without checking the sofa first."

Alex glared at me. "How can I think straight when Mom and Dad are constantly yelling at us? I didn't even want to enter either of those paths in the first place."

The parents felt a pang of guilt at her words. Alex continued to touch the burn mark, running her finger over it. "There's no flaky ash, either. So this is definitely not from a cigarette."

I nodded. "Focus on the burn mark. Look at the intensity of the charring in that circular area. Did you see anything strange there? Luke, you do it."

Luke calmed down and inspected the mark. "It's just black."

"Pay attention to the degree of the charring. Some spots are more charred than others," I instructed.

"It's all the same." Luke muttered with a slight frustration. "Wait. This part is harder than the rest."

"That must be the focal point." I muttered.

Alex's eyes darted as she thought it through, and especially after hearing 'focal point'. Then she exclaimed, "Oh my god. I figured it out. Mom—" She dashed toward the kitchen.

Not wanting to pull the parents into it just yet, I instinctively reached out to stop her. Unfortunately, all I could grab was her ponytail, and I accidentally yanked her hair back.

"OW! Motherfu—" Alex almost cursed when Claire, who had been watching the whole thing, instinctively interrupted, "ALEX!" She quickly cupped her mouth and pulled her head back from peering around the wall, taking Phil with her.

"What?" Alex turned toward the kitchen, confused. "She can hear that?" she mumbled.

Chuckling slightly, I said, "Since Alex figured it out. I'll just go home now. I hope that you guys will work together to save Christmas in your house! I still have to drop off the presents to your grandpa, then your uncles,...you get it?"

Alex, Luke and Haley looked at me with confusion. Luke asked, "Why are you speaking all weird?"

Alex nodded in agreement to Luke and said, "Yeah. His pitch is higher. He smiles all the time." n/ô/vel/b//in dot c//om

"And you seem weirdly absorbed in Christmas..." Haley muttered. She looked at my smiling face and then she figured it out, her face shifted as if she was looking at an idiot,"Oh my god, are you really doing this?"

"Doing what?" Alex turned to Haley and asked immediately.

"Act out like he's in the Hallmark Christmas movie!" Haley told Alex angrily, although the anger was directed at me. "You cannot keep this up till the end of the day!" She turned and challenged me.

In the past few days, we had been talking about the holiday movies using texts, and I mentioned to her that I wanted to act like I was in one of them today.

I smirked and wore a flannel I kept in the red wagon, "Haley. This is a day of generosity, compassion–"

"Get out!" Haley chased me away. "If you want to be weird you can do that elsewhere."

"As you wish, madam." I said before I turned to Alex, "Now, the knowledge that you possess will either allow you to successfully save Christmas, or..."

"Or what?" Alex was intrigued.

I smirked and said, "Or, you can keep that to yourself for some... advantages."

Alex thought about it for a while but she cannot figure it out, "Sorry, I'm not a master manipulator. Can you explain that briefly."

"Come here." I gestured with my finger. As she closed her distance, I whispered into her ear. Her eyes widened as she heard about my schemes.

"You're the devil." She took a step back and looked at me warily.

I laughed, keeping up the innocent smile and said, "You're funny Alex. Alright, I'll see you guys later. Merry Christmas everyone!"

After going to Phil and Claire and wishing them too, I walked back to my house, and suddenly heard Mr Kleezak cursing after a loud crash resounded from inside his house.

I stopped and sighed. "Damn it. I have to go there now since I'm in character. No small-town Christmas lover with a heart of gold would just watch a struggling old man without trying to help—right?"

Walking toward Mr. Kleezak's house, I knocked on his door three times.

"What do you want?" the grumpy old man shouted, his annoyance evident. "I'm not here to ask for donations, nothing about charity—just your neighbor!" I shouted back.

After some clattering from inside, the tanned, 5'6" old man with white hair and a permanent frown opened the door. He stared at me, his expression a mix of irritation and disbelief. "Who are you?"

Even though I was incredibly famous, not everyone knew who I was. I smiled, unbothered, and said, "I'm Edward Newgate. I'm your neighbor's kid."

"Newgate? Theodore's son?" He scrutinized me from head to toe, skepticism written all over his face. "Theodore's son is in school."

Confused, I replied, "I am. I'm almost 15."

"WHAT?!" Mr. Kleezak exclaimed, clearly shocked. "You don't look 15. You look 20."

Ignoring his reaction, I asked, "I heard some loud noises, so I stopped by. Do you need any help, Mr. Kleezak?"

He turned evasive—not that he was ever friendly. "You should go home. Don't bother me."

As I glanced inside his house, I noticed towers of DVDs and VCR cassettes stacked all around the living room, and the static on his old TV screen flickered in the dim light.

"Do you have a problem with your TV? I can fix that for you in just five minutes," I said, pushing aside his reluctance.

"What? Really?" He eyed me with suspicion. "I don't want you messing around in my house." Just as he tried to shut the door in my face, I barged in and made a beeline for his old CRT TV.

"Hey! KID!" He walked slowly, dragging his oxygen tank with him. By the time he arrived at the TV, I had already restored his TV channel. Although it was grainy, the picture had come back.

"Oh. You can actually fix it." He muttered. "Give me a screwdriver and I can fix it permanently." I replied with a smile.

...

[General POV]

After Edward left, Alex went to her parents to bring back Christmas.

"Hey, Alex." Claire pretended to be mad and asked, "Did you guys figure out who burned the couch?"

Phil stammered, "We know—" But before he could finish, Claire elbowed him in the stomach to silence him.

[Phil and Claire's commentary]

Claire glanced at Phil with slight frustration before saying, "If Phil were the one to say that we know no one smoked, our parental authority would crumble."

Phil felt like a hostage and replied, "Claire can't let that happen—especially not since we took Christmas away from the kids."

Claire sighed. "Parents make mistakes. But sometimes, we can't admit it was a mistake because a child might hold it against us and stop listening to our words."

"If Alex just tells us what really happened, we can pretend it was all a misunderstanding and quickly brush the topic aside," Phil said with a smile.

[Commentary ends]

Alex narrowed her eyes at Claire before saying, "Yeah. We know who did it."

"Who, Alex?" Claire asked. Phil, excited, said, "Yeah. Was it you guys? Did it happen accidentally, or was it just a mishap?"

"It was me," Alex confessed, shocking Luke and Haley, who had followed her from behind, as well as Phil and Claire.

"What?" Phil mumbled, stunned.

Alex nodded slightly and said, "I found a cigarette at school, and when no one was home, I tried it. I guess I held it too close to the couch. I'm so sorry."

She pretended to apologize, which made her parents' faces fall.

[Alex's commentary]

"Do they really think they'll get away with this so easily? Ed told me that if I admit to their accusation of smoking, they'll bring back Christmas. But when tomorrow morning comes, and the couch gets burned again, I can pretty much get anything I want from them."

She smiled. "And what I want... is a library in my room."

[Commentary ends]

"You can take my Christmas away, but don't take it from everyone else," Alex pretended sadly.

Phil and Claire blinked in surprise as they heard it.

[Phil and Claire's commentary]

"She's onto us," Claire said. "She knows we're in the wrong," she added, panicking. Alex's innocent smile felt like something out of a horror movie to Claire.

Phil sighed. "We're fuc—"

[Commentary ends]

"That is very noble of you to care about the family, but you still smoked and lied. That's really bad," Phil scolded her in a low-energy voice. Claire was silent for a moment before she asked again, "Alex, did you really smoke?"

Startled by her mother's serious gaze, Alex remembered Edward's advice and nodded again. "Yeah. I did it."

Suddenly, Haley pulled on Alex's wrist, causing her to turn to her sister. "Alex, I can't let you do this. Mom, Dad, I was the one who burned the couch."

"What?!" Claire and Phil exclaimed in astonishment at Haley's sudden confession. Alex grimaced in confusion and said, "What?!"

[Haley's commentary]

"I don't know who burned the couch," she admitted. "But I know how to read Alex," she added. "If this is a real smoke burn, then she'll shiver and speak timidly, not tackle it head-on like she is right now. Whatever she has planned, I want in too."

[Commentary ends]

"Haley? You burned the couch?" Claire asked, disbelief evident in her voice.

Haley nodded and said, "Yeah. I was using a curling iron in the living room, and I guess I must've touched the couch with it for too long. I'm sorry, Mom, Dad."

Claire smiled slightly. "Curling iron?"

Alex was horrified. "No! It was me! I burned that couch!"

"No. It was me! I did it!" Haley argued back.

Luke suddenly chimed in, "No. It was me. I played with some matches and burned down the entire house."

Phil and Claire blanked out again. "What?" Claire grimaced in confusion.

Alex looked at Luke in disbelief. "No one burned down the house."

"Ah, right. The couch. I burned the couch," Luke corrected himself.

[Luke's commentary]

"I don't know what's going on, but I want in."

[Alex's commentary]

"They're going to ruin everything!"

[Commentary ends]

With a slight smirk, Claire suddenly yelled, "Enough." Everyone stopped arguing and quieted down. Phil smiled and said, "First of all, I just want to say how proud I am. All of you are prepared to sacrifice your Christmas for the sake of your siblings."

"No—that's not—" Before Alex could argue, Claire hugged all three of them tightly. "I'm sorry for yelling at you guys. Obviously, none of you did it. We should've believed you when you told us that."

"We're really touched, so we've decided to bring back Christmas for you all. We won't bring up who burned down the couch anymore," Claire added. "We're dropping it, so none of you will be punished for it."

"We won't?" Phil was confused at first but then realized he could use this as an opportunity to escape trouble. "We won't! Now, everyone! Help me grab the tree! We're bringing back Christmas!"

"Yay!" Haley and Luke cheered, excitement bubbling over as they followed Phil out of the kitchen, leaving only Alex and Claire behind.

Claire glanced at Alex, a knowing look in her eyes. "Nice try."

"I'm sorry, what are you referring to?" Alex asked, already resigned to the fact that her attempt to outsmart her mother had failed.

Claire knew that if she brought up the incident again, Alex could easily point out that they had all been accused despite their innocence. They stared at each other intensely, the air thick with unspoken words and the sparks of their silent standoff.

...

[Edward POV]

I fixed the tv by climbing on the roof and fixing the antenna, however, his VCR was also broken. That's why he was so frustrated in not getting a channel before.

"Here." He handed me twenty bucks as I climbed down from the roof. "For your troubles," he said.

"Thank you," I replied, accepting the money even though I didn't need it. I knew better than to mess with an old man's ego. "I'll come back with some tools to fix the VCR after I drop off the presents."

"You don't have to do that," Mr. Kleezak said, his tone dismissive. "Go home."

"Don't feel bad thinking I was going to miss out on Christmas by being here. My grandmother kicked me out because I was bothering her. I'd rather be doing something than just wandering around."

Mr. Kleezak paused, then asked, "Really?" By framing it as a favor to me, he seemed more comfortable with letting me return.

"Yeah. Also, when I come back, I'll bring you some of her brisket. It's so good and tender that you won't even need your dentures." I exaggerated a bit, which made him let out a small chuckle.

Before I left, I made sure to grab some keys in case he fell asleep. It seemed I had gained his trust, or maybe he was just confident that nothing valuable was in the house. I wasn't sure which.

His children didn't want to come to his house, and he couldn't travel to theirs, so he was spending Christmas alone. When I returned, I planned to bring my grandpa with me. They were both veterans, and I was sure my grandpa would invite him to our place for Christmas.

If I did it, it might feel insulting to him—like a kid inviting you over on a holiday because you looked lonely.

Driving to Mitch and Cam's, I ran into the "Skinny Santa," Scott, who Mitchell and Cam had gotten fired from the mall for not looking like Santa. Then I headed to Jay's place, where Manny was pranking Jay as part of a Christmas tradition from Colombia. I wasn't sure if that was true, but Manny believed it.

"You should come by our house tonight when we set off the fireworks," Manny said as I was leaving, standing in the open doorway.

"I'll be there. Midnight, right? I'll make sure—" Before I could finish, I noticed a white raven perched on the hood of my car. As if to deliver a message, it took off into the sky.

"Um, Manny, I don't think I can make it," I told him. "I have somewhere else to be, and it's pretty important so I can't skip it."

...

[General POV]

Inside a small, white room, a giant man with sheep's horns curling from his head busily decorated the space with wreaths and vibrant red and green flags. As he worked, he sang cheerfully, "'Tis the time to be jolly... Falalalala, la la la. Edward is coming to be punished. Falalala, la la la."