Possessing Nothing

Chapter 401: Despair (4)

TL: Yul, xLordFifthChapter 401–

“Smile…”

Even without looking in a mirror, Lee Sungmin knew what face he was making.

Tears streamed endlessly down his face, and his facial muscles twitched as if seized by spasms.

“How could I…”

When the Crazy Heavenly Demon died, and when his master, the Lord of the Sama Order, died…

Lee Sungmin had felt this way. He thought he never wanted to feel this way again.

Yet, even after a considerable amount of time had passed and numerous events had transpired, the memory of their deaths always filled him with horror.

Why couldn’t I do anything?

Why am I, why am I still alive?

In despair, self-loathing, and regret, he harbored hatred.

“You… can’t…”

His voice trembled uncontrollably. He had to accept it. It was inevitable, after all.

Lee Sungmin cherished his connection with Heoju more than that with the Crazy Heavenly Demon and his master,

Since meeting Heoju in the Sleeping Forest, they had always been linked in mind.

Everything Lee Sungmin saw and felt, Heoju felt as well.

Even though Lee Sungmin couldn’t share his concerns with others, Heoju sensed them and offered advice.

Heoju was a friend who had stayed by his side without leaving, understanding everything about Lee Sungmin.

He was a mentor who pointed out Lee Sungmin’s shortcomings and soothed his precarious spirit.

He was a father who knew Lee Sungmin best and empathized with him more than anyone else.

“No.”

Heoju shook his head.

“I must go. There’s no other choice. For you, for me. Begging me not to leave now is meaningless. It’s a matter of sooner or later, and at most—a little bit later.”

“There must be… some other way.”

“There isn’t.”

Heoju asserted firmly. With a gesture, he pointed towards the landscape of consciousness. What had been obscured by thick fog now was becoming increasingly visible.

Lee Sungmin’s shoulders shook. He understood. Originally, this world was an empty, fog-enshrouded, white realm.

And as Heoju was disappearing… that world was fading.

“Don’t cry.”

Heoju spoke again.

“You know it can’t be helped. It’s been… too long. I should have disappeared 10 years ago.”

Lee Sungmin covered his face with his hands.

In a brief moment, he thought of many things. He understood what couldn’t be helped.

Would it be possible to transfer Heoju’s soul into another body?

It’s impossible.

Even when Lee Sungmin proposed using Aine’s empty body as Heoju’s vessel, Heoju said it was impossible.

“There’s no way I can remain in any form.”

Sensing Lee Sungmin’s heart, Heoju smiled wryly and said.

“I didn’t wish to take a girl’s body… Simply, there is no way.”

“Right.”

Don’t cry, smile.

Lee Sungmin murmured to himself. He understood it couldn’t be helped and accepted it. If this moment was to be the last with Heoju, then, as he wished, he had to smile without crying.

He covered his face with his hands, rubbing and wiping away the tears that wouldn’t stop flowing.He tensed the muscles of his convulsing cheeks, forcibly lifting the corners of his trembling, drooping mouth.

“You look ugly.”

Heoju looked down at Lee Sungmin and chuckled. Lee Sungmin felt that Heoju’s laughter was trembling.

He pretended to be hearty and nonchalant, mocking and teasing, but Heoju was also…

Lee Sungmin staggered to his feet, taking deep breaths in an attempt to calm his emotions. It didn’t work well. The tears he managed to wipe away started flowing again.

“Stop crying.”

“…That’s impossible…”

Lee Sungmin answered in a weak voice. Heoju was vanishing. The uninvited guest who had occupied a corner of his consciousness for decades was disappearing.

From now on, there would be no need to awkwardly be aware of Heoju’s existence whenever thinking or acting.

Whenever despair washed over, there wouldn’t be a need to seek Heoju for advice and comfort.

There was no need to intentionally ignore the nonsensical words Heoju would throw.

It was terrible.

Each time, losing someone, becoming alone…

In reality, Lee Sungmin was never alone. Heoju was always there by his side.

But not anymore. Now, Lee Sungmin truly would be alone.

That was frightening.

It felt like his mind would shatter. It wasn’t because Lee Sungmin never had an outstanding mental fortitude that he was able to not despair. It was because he had the certainty that he was never alone, even in those situations.

He could stand firm because Heoju was always there, speaking from the depths of his consciousness.

“You are now alone.”

Heoju said.

Lee Sungmin forced a laugh.

“Someone might be by your side, but ultimately, you yourself will become alone. In your head, there won’t be someone who scolds you, jokes with you, and listens to you like this old man; that presence will be gone.”

“I know.”Nôv(el)B\\jnn

Lee Sungmin took a deep breath. Once again, he wiped away his tears. Once he fully accepted everything, surprisingly, the tears no longer flowed.

Heoju looked at Lee Sungmin’s face and made a relieved expression. He looked down at his body, which was almost gone.

“I lived a long life.”

Born as an insignificant monster in the south, Heoju spent most of his life in battles, where he always survived, won, and devoured his enemies.

His strength grew over time, and at one point, the monster named Heoju was called the Nightmare of the South.

Even the mighty Vampire Queen dared not face Heoju, and the Predator, the group of numerous monsters, did not infringe upon Heoju’s territory.

Even the dragons that remained at that time did not fly over Heoju’s forest.

“Having lived so long, I’ve experienced many things and had various pleasures. However… the decades I’ve spent only as a spirit with you, after losing my body, were more enjoyable.”

Heoju sincerely said that.

“If I had met you while I was alive, well… I probably wouldn’t have become close to you, nor would I have cherished you as I do now. Back then, I was quite a rascal. It’s only after losing my body and remaining as a spirit, parasitizing in your consciousness, understanding you more, that I became like this.”

With that said, Heoju chuckled.

“If the old me had met you, I would have punched you dead for being so pathetic.”

“I know.”

It was half-joking, half-serious. Lee Sungmin smiled in response. He felt empty.

Even at this moment, Heoju’s body continued to disappear, and the fog that had filled the world of consciousness was thinning. “I was glad to have met you,” said Heoju.

“I was glad because a fool like you came into my life. I was glad because you were not perfect. I was glad because you were filled with inferiority.”

The words of Yang Il-Chun, who said he appreciated an average person with tenacity over a genius, came to mind.

“You are… my friend, mentor, and father.”

“Is that why you threatened to dunk me in a dung pit?”

“That’s a different matter.”

“HAHAHA! You dog. Let’s make one promise. After… After the fight with Geniella, you try being in a dung pit. Feel what it was like for me.”

“Alright. I promise.”

Heoju seemed surprised that Lee Sungmin answered without hesitation, blinking in astonishment before laughing loudly.

“Alright, it’s a promise. Later, when you… come to where I am, babble about how it felt. It’ll make a good story over a drink.”

Lifting his head, Heoju spoke these words and looked over Lee Sungmin’s shoulder to the long, lonely road stretching beyond. He faced it with determination, addressing Lee Sungmin.

“Do not despair.”

Heoju took a step forward.

“Do not break.”

His steps did not cease.

“And do not die. You promised me. That one day, you will definitely come to the world where I am.”

Heoju walked past Lee Sungmin. Overwhelmed with emotion, Lee Sungmin pressed down on his chest.

The fog that filled the world of consciousness gathered in one place, enveloping Heoju.

He walked towards a place unknown, with Lee Sungmin standing behind him, looking at the faint trail he was heading toward.

“I was glad to have met you,” Lee Sungmin murmured with a trembling voice towards Heoju’s back, who chuckled in response.

“My friend, mentor, and father.”

Without realizing it, Lee Sungmin took a step towards Heoju. At that moment, Heoju shook his head.

“Do not come.”

Lee Sungmin’s step halted.

“You shouldn’t be here yet. There’s so much more… you need to do. You said you’ve never been happy. Right now, you’re struggling in this dogshit world, but someday… once it’s all over, it won’t be too late to enjoy then.”

“Will I be… able to go?”

Will that day ever come? Heoju let out a loud laugh at that question.

“Of course, you’ll be able to. I believe in you.”

The road seemed long.

Heoju’s figure became distant.

Lee Sungmin lifted his hand towards Heoju. He saw many things. Even though he couldn’t know what expression Heoju had now, he felt like he did—a smile filled with anticipation. Heoju was on his way while the Spear King and the Lord were walking the path.

Lee Sungmin felt his heart quiver as he strained his eyes. He thought he had wiped away his tears for the last time, but they were flowing again.

“Take care.”

Heoju spread his arms wide. Before he knew it, he had new arms. Lee Sungmin felt Heoju’s presence disappear from his consciousness.

At this moment, he was heading towards a broader, new world, not just the tiny realm of consciousness.

“See you later.”

Tears blurred his vision. Through the trembling tears, Lee Sungmin saw Heoju’s wavering figure.

The gathered mist dissipated. It no longer obscured the landscape of the consciousness world but completely vanished.

Bare-bodied, Heoju stepped towards the path. His body swayed significantly.

As if he was nowhere to be found, yet everywhere at once.

Like a phantom, a ghost, a mere whisper.Just like his name, Heoju (Illusion [虛主]).***

UHAHAHAHAH!!!

Loud laughter shook the world of consciousness. A gale burst forth, and the mist scattered in all directions.

The shape of a solitary path became clear. Heoju, who had set his foot at the beginning of the path, no longer looked back.

He truly believed. Someday, Lee Sungmin would definitely come to this world.

He would never die, nor despair, nor break apart.

Heoju believed in that.

Therefore, he did not look back. He did not dwell. He did not cling. Why worry pettily about someone he was bound to meet again?

“Hahaha!”

After hundreds of years, his soul gained freedom. Even if his physical body had perished long ago, such things were meaningless in this world.

In the pantheon, where monsters arrived, life and death were insignificant. Heoju felt a thrilling sense of liberation as he strengthened the leg that stepped into the path’s entrance.

He burst into a wild cackle and began to race down the winding, solitary path.

Faster than those who walked slowly, faster than those who crawled, faster than those who rested, faster than anyone else.

Heoju’s emotions grew distant.

The sound of Heoju’s laughter grew distant.

It was a laugh without regrets.

Not a hint of resentment arose. Clinging was seen as ugly and selfish. He understood it was inevitable.

Lee Sungmin understood that while Heoju felt pity, he had been looking forward to this day. Lee Sungmin looked around the empty world.

The world, cleared of mist, was filled with chaos. Memories of all sorts mingled, and Lee Sungmin felt emptiness. He chased after the figure of Heoju, which was no longer visible.

“…Right.”

Heoju had not vanished. Lee Sungmin had certainly seen the world to which Heoju, Yang Il-Chun, and the Spear King had gone.

Perhaps Lee Sungmin could go to that world, too. Therefore, there was no need to feel sad about Heoju’s disappearance.

He went to that world of his own volition, neither dead nor obliterated.

The last laugh he burst into was filled with a sense of freedom and joy.

It was as if he was saying, I’m okay.

So, I must be okay, too.

Lee Sungmin slowly turned around.

To keep the promise he had made to Heoju.

—*** The raw says “허깨비” when describing how Heoju moves, and the 허 in 허깨비 and Heoju (허주) is the same. It’s a bit difficult to translate Heoju’s name directly because the 허 means “empty, phantom, illusion, etc” and the 주 means “lord,” but saying something like Phantom Lord or Empty Lord or Illusion Lord seems too edgy and cringe, so I decided to stick with Illusion. 허깨비 means an object that looks like another or seems to exist, although it is not real, due to an illusion.