Nexus Awakened (An Isekai LitRPG Gender Bender Story)

855. The Cer Hatches From The Egg

White foam and a transparent ocean were the last things Cer saw before her world turned dark. The impact of crashing into the ocean had knocked her unconscious.

It was the speed, she thought. Unconsciousness for Cer was different from how others experienced it. Anytime she fell asleep she would find herself suspended in a world of darkness.

Her curled-up form rocked in the invisible medium like driftwood.

I’m here again. My one and only escape. I should’ve taken my speed into account. Since when was water so hard? I thought we’d plunge right through. Heh. I guess that phase of my jester self isn’t all just an act. You moron… it was obviously going to be like smashing against a wall.

This world was Cer’s safe place.

It was a mental safehouse built hastily out of necessity. Half of her consciousness remained lucid. That way, she would always be able to react if something happened to her physical body.

The smallest, slightest nudge or sound was enough to awaken her. Surviving in Grandis was hard enough. But sleeping out in the rain or snow without shelter drove her into making her own mental one. It was a lonely expanse that brought back terrible memories whenever she slept.

Cer would often gaze up at the moon rather than sleep to avoid coming to this place.

But for the first time, the little Cer who was suspended in this place found comfort in it. She could hear the waves crashing outside. The muffled sound of being submerged… it was all real, but slowly, those sounds began to fade away.

It wasn’t because she was dying. Cer knew that couldn’t be the case. It would be too cruel to die now after Awakening.

Rather, the reason why the sound disappeared was because there was no need to hear the outside world anymore. No purpose for this mental safehouse to exist now there was nothing that could hurt her anymore.

Raoul, mother, the village, humans… I won’t miss being an insomniac. Heh. I never had to experience this while sleeping on the Floor of Amalgamation. I think I’ll savour this for a bit. It’s been a while since I felt so free. Not needing to think… Never needing to experience nightmares… Was it worth not being able to dream like normal people?

Cer reminisced on her life.

The birth of a wolf who never received the milk from the teat of her mother. The crying Cer whose first night was spent staring at the face of a moon longer than she saw her mother’s. The cold Cer who stared up at the sun unable to shield her eyes.

Maybe that’s when it started. My craze to become the best moon that ever was. The little Cer’s infatuation with the moon and the sun. It’s crazy to think that I became so obsessed with them that I started putting on personas to try to reach just a fraction of that light. At some point, I lost what it meant to be me. Chasing moons, wanting to be the best of the best… Nothing was wrong with it.

Slowly, the little Cer whose hands were far too small to belong to an adult grew to a size that was befitting her true age.

But I never did it for myself.

Her limbs grew. Her hair lengthened. The fingers that were once short and stubby, but cute to some – had become slender and beautiful. The wolf who had been stuck in perpetuity in the body of an adolescent finally blossomed into an adult.

From now on, I want to do the things I want. Eat the things I want to eat. I want to make up for the time I lost chasing the ghosts of my moon and star.

A small, golden halo hovered 5 centimeters above her ears.

It consisted of 3 nestled rings bridged by 3 arms. It pulsed from an opaque form to a transparent version. Parts of it turned black and white as though mimicking the color of Cer’s fur. Within the center was a red bead which matched the color of her eyes.

I want to shine as my own star. Heh. And maybe I’ll be the star of some twerp star too if they’re lucky. Live as the Cer that’s true to me. Let’s do that.

The halo turned. It opened a valve that restored Cer’s body that was lost to time. Though she was over 40 years old, her appearance was now closer to that of a woman in her late 20 or even her early 30s.

No one could call her little anymore.

However, Cer smiled to herself as her form emitted a gentle golden glow. She brought her hands to her chest and sighed.

These puppies didn’t end up getting any bigger. Still the only part of me that’s small. I would have loved to be like Ber and Res, but… Hey, this is me.

Accepting oneself was never easy. The idea of the ‘Self’ had ruined so many lives across the 30 years she spent as a Moon. Even her sisters.

Ber was unable to embrace nor display her inner femininity, and instead, tucked it away. Shadows formed from the weight of her deepest insecurities and aversion, leading to the creation of the Ugliest Duckling.

But she eventually came out as the Black Swan after breaking through her Weight of Unconfronted Expectations.

Res could not bear to live in a world of colors aside from the blue of their mother. Her reliance and fear caused her to lock her heart away from the world, and in turn, throw the keys to her inner self away. With no color, Res could never express nor experience the world like the rest. Shadows were born from the weight of her guilt and regrets. She tried to keep them away, but they only shackled her to the past and created [CENSORED].

Like Ber, she eventually hatched from her own egg and experienced the world. Experiences of both ugly and good made up the colors of the world after all.

Breaking through the Weight of Unconfronted Guilt led to the birth of Canvas Tales.

I broke through the weight of my unconfronted delusions. I wonder if Raoul managed to break through his own. Was I able to reach him too?

She took in a deep breath. The scent of the sea filled her nose.

Was she always able to breathe so clearly? Air filled every crevice of her lungs. Her breaths used to be so shallow. She figured it was because of her increased lung capacity. But she knew deep down it was because there was nothing weighing her down anymore.Nôv(el)B\\jnn

I should wake up now. I can’t stay here forever.

Goodbye, the old me.